hi this is me being irrationally jealous over the 'supernatural' convention in london that jensen ackles will be attending and i wont.

off to work now.

hi, my best friend, lovely more commonly known as diet is amazing.

be jealous.

thats all.

got it? good.

comment if you wanna be my friend but be warned

i love my fandoms.
i rant.
i go through spurts of no updates and then lots.
i tend to ramble. end of discussion.

you have a issue with that? then don't comment [ shrug ]

half the time i feel so normal. like everything is solid and real and true and everything is peachykeen.

and the other half? [ snicker ] thats when i understand what people mean by 'unstable' its when i have this starving desire to scream and cry and never wake up again.

those days are always hardest for me, hardest for me to pretend everythings ok when it really isn't. why the hell can't things ever be ok with me? why is there always these lurking thoughts in the back of my head reaffirming my worst fears?

why do i feel like i deserve this feeling of suffocation. i feel like i'm trapped in this big bubble and i'm opening my mouth to scream and gasp for air and i suffocate a little more. and its completly ok with me so i try to scream louder. anything to end this prolonged state...

i'm sorry.  you don't want to hear all this, i know.  i just needed to say something.  anything.  maybe it's not a bubble.  maybe it's a pillow, and it is suffocating me, and these are just my screams before i die.

[ sigh ] when did i become so morbid?

for now at least...

fin.

first off, i'm pretty sure i burnt my nose which sucks because..it hurts. alot. and laur spoke to real boy today. to quote he said 'and he said if he could find means of transportation and you wanted to he's wanna go out with u'

so excuse me. i need to go be a girl SQUEE! i like him awww.

[ end being girlie i promise ] ok and not to much of the words today. i think the sun sucked all the energy out of me. so yea. and the beach, rocks. i love it. alot. yup yup.

this week i should actually have more than rambles. i will go shopping, i will beach go, i will cut my hair off to my chin [ its up to the small of my back ], talk to real boy, and chill.

woot-woot! going now.

[ scurries ]

fin.

wow. ok i love people. mandy you are now offically one of my favorite people. :o) thank you kindly.

so this is my new and improved spiffy livejournal. i heart it. ok i don't have much of the words to say, this is kind of a test to what it'll look like when i post. so yea. ok i'm done. time to go tan [ my pasty white ass needs some sun! ]

fin.